~oneazn2nv

Last night I got three booty calls from a friend of mine.

Jeanny was on the phone with me so it was pretty awkward to have to tell my fiance to HOLD I got a call.

When I answered the phone…
All I heard was background noise.
So I told Jeanny, I think I just got a booty call.

Someone was butt dialing me! Check your phones people!

The key lock is your friend =)

~Oneazn2nv

Michelle: Hey Phil, do you have any bottled water?

Phil: Yeah sure… Oh wait!

Michelle: What?

Phil: You should try the tap water here.

Michelle: Why?

Phil: Just try it you’ll like it… It tastes like crystal Geyser

Michelle: Really?  Okay.

Phil: Just a sec… Here you go.

Michelle: mm hmm…

Phil: See? What does it taste like?

Michelle: Soapy water…

Phil: Oh OOPS!

Lately it seems like I’ve had to deal with a lot of people who make me wonder how they were able to grow up without getting shot. I mean seriously… You really shouldn’t have said that… It was a stupid thing to do. You’re being a social Nincumpoop.

A social nincumpoop is someone who cannot socially interact with people in a normal relational manner. They say things that shouldn’t be said… out loud or ever. They do things that only a bone head would do. They have no sense of tact. And I’m not talking about those who have actual medical conditions, I’m talking about your regular average Sam (boy or girl you choose).

Okay okay, so maybe I am being harsh. I mean… I’ve done and said some pretty stupid things too right? Maybe I’m a Social Nincumpoop…

Well, here are the top 10 bone headed things I’ve done or said that classify me as a Social Nincumpoop. For those who I’ve offended… I am truly sorry.

10. I once said to my girlfriend who was emotionally upset “Can I call you back? I’m in an important guild run”. (Tip: World of Warcraft is NOT your friend buddy.)

9. A girl once asked me “did you call me a …” (won’t repeat it). Not remembering and not wanting to look stupid I said “Yeah! And?”. (Tip: Whenever anyone angrily asks you if you said something the reply is always flat out “NO!”)

8. A group of guys were mocking me and my friends playing tennis. I Shouted “Then come here!” and they did… and I got me and my brother a bloody nose. (Instant Karma)

7. I once got into a fight with a bully who I beat up, and then I turned around and bullied another kid that same day… (I still hate myself for that to this day I’ve always hated bullies)

6. I once went to a broadway musical with a girl and she paid for everything. I didn’t even ask to pay for my own ticket. (Sorry honey! She’ll never let me live that one down)

5. I told a group of bullies were going to pick on me but started walking away I said that they were “stupid” and they promply turned around and kicked my butt.

4. I asked a girl why she wore “maternity” shirts you’re not pregnant are you? (the ones that look like tiny dresses). To which she promptly replied “You’re an old balding Fat man!” (well deserved)

3. My sister had a bad relationship with a guy and we ran into him at the coffee shop. I decided to stop and make small talk… (I’m surprised my sister still talks to me)

2. I once told a girl I liked her after my best friend at the time told her that he liked her. (Smart… real smart…)

1. I once asked a girl I liked “If I asked you to the prom would you go with me.” to which she answered “Yes”… I never asked her to the prom. (Yeah, Karma please be lenient)

What are your top 10 social nincumpoop moments?

~Oneazn2nv

So what’s the big deal about Swine Flu?  The CDC tends to think this is the next thing to be hyped up about… Or maybe another ticket for them to get more funding.  We all remember the “outbreaks” over the years and frankly we’re probably all sick of hearing about these sicknesses that never amount to anything. Or maybe, they are correct and by this time next month, millions will have died to a new swine flu!  Yeah sure that will happen… when pigs fly.

The CDC released some tips on how you can “stay healthy” from the swine flu… Here they are: from http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/

• Stay informed. This website will be updated regularly as information becomes available.
• Influenza is thought to spread mainly person-to-person through coughing or sneezing of infected people.
• Take everyday actions to stay healthy.
  • Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
  • Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.
  • Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.
  • Stay home if you get sick. CDC recommends that you stay home from work or school and limit contact with others to keep from infecting them.
• Follow public health advice regarding school closures, avoiding crowds and other social distancing measures.
• Develop a family emergency plan as a precaution. This should include storing a supply of food, medicines, facemasks, alcohol-based hand rubs and other essential supplies.
• Call 1-800-CDC-INFO for more information.

It’s funny how almost all of these “tips” are things you do when you ARE sick with the swine flu…

So here are my three tips on how to avoid the swine flu this season:

1. Wash your hands before you eat anything.
2. Don’t touch the railing or your face EVER!
3. Wear a face mask.

After constantly being outraged at the lack of equality in the world, moved to tears by Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson as they accuse person after person of being a “racist”…

I wonder what does this really mean?  Racisit?

Wiki says this:

Racism, by its simplest definition is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.

Now I know that there are people in the world who are racist and do believe that their race is superior.  We call them the “Hitlers” of the world.  So are all racists hitlers?  I don’t know…

Where do you draw the line?  I know some people believe that EVERYONE is a racist in some form or another.  Could that be true?  Does everyone actually believe that their race is superior to others?

And by “race” does that just mean skin color?  or does it involve financial standing?  Does it include those with disabilities or are those people labeled as a separate race?

When I look at this, it seems like there are no answers… SO…

Let me offer this idea… Hopefully it’s not a new one:

“You’re not a racist… You just say offensive things from time to time.”

Lets be more forgiving and slower to call each other racists.  Lets reserve the name “racist” for those who truly deserve it, not for the every day offensive person.

~One(person)2nv

AIG’s $100G donation to Democrats was unknown to Gov. Paterson, he says
BY LARRY MCSHANE
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER
Saturday, March 21st 2009, 11:16 PM

Click Here to see the news article

ARTICLES
Gonzalez: Looting goes far beyond bonuses
N.Y.ers sick and tired of fat cats ‘robbing people blind’
Daly: And these little AIG piggies want more
N.Y. Dems got fat ‘bonus’ from insurer, too
Stay way outta sight, jittery AIG execs told
Gov. Paterson stuck to his guns Saturday, insisting he knew nothing about a $100,000 donation from AIG to the state Democratic Party days before his office helped save the insurance giant.
State Republicans charged the Democrats with stonewalling an investigation into the Aug. 29 donation, uncovered last week by The Associated Press.
In the first week of September, Paterson launched negotiations to save the financially strapped company. GOP officials questioned whether there was a quid pro quo.
“It looks increasingly like there was pay-to-play methods used here,” said Assemblyman Greg Paul, a Putnam County Republican. “We as New Yorkers need a full investigation.”
Paterson spokeswoman Marissa Shorenstein reiterated Saturday that the governor was unaware of the donation until Thursday, and she declined to comment further.
Paterson said last week that his motivation in the AIG talks was to save New York jobs. State officials helped the company reach a loan deal with the Federal Reserve that kept AIG solvent.
The company is currently under fire for taking an $85 billion federal bailout and then paying its executives $165 million in bonuses.
State Democratic Party spokeswoman Carly Lindenauer has echoed Paterson’s version of what happened, as have officials at American International Group.

Here’s the list of top AIG recipients for the 2008 campaign:

1. Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., $103,100
2. Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., $101,332
3. Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., $59,499
4. Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., $35,965
5. Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., $24,750
6. Former Gov. Mitt Romney, (R) Pres $20,850
7. Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., $19,975
8. Rep. John Larson, D-Conn, $19,750
9. Sen. John Sununu, R-N.H., $18,500
10. Former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani (R) Pres $13,200
11. Rep. Paul Kanjorski, D-Pa., $12,000
12. Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., $11,000

You’re a sucker if you put your faith in the politicians.

~oneazn2nv

So Jeanny was driving around in my car (we call her amy poo cuz of her license plate) and one headlight blew out. Shortly after during the same night… the other headlight blew out.

————-So I went to (edit) auto store to change out my lightbulbs…—————-

Me: Hey
Him: How can I help you boss?
Boss (I guess that’s me): I need some new headlights for my Audi.
Him: Low aim headlights right?
Boss: Yep.
Him: Here you go.
Boss: Thanks.

—————-I go home and try to install these new headlights…———————
After struggling for about half an hour to find out how to get to the bulb to replace it, I finally yank out the headlight.

Me: Hm… this looks odd. It doesn’t look the same as the ones I bought.

I’m going to consult the audi handbook…
Audi Handbook: Here’s a great list of “Do it yourself” things for your Audi… Like your lights… Page 263.
Pg. 263: Do not attempt to replace your headlights. An Audi dealership has the proper equipment to do it for you… Plus we need the business.

Me: Dang it! Fooled by the audi help book again!
Jeanny: Why don’t you just take it into the Audi dealership?
Me: We don’t have time… I’ll just go back and get the right headlights.

——————Back to (edit) Auto store————————

Me: You gave me the wrong headlights. Can I have my money back?
Him: Sure thing boss. Do you know what kind they are?
Boss (Me again): Yeah, Here…
Him: Oh okay. Here you go. Just take that to the register.
Boss: Thanks.

—————After Saturday Night Life, I have Jeanny check my headlights.—————-
Me: Honey, it looks like only 1 highbeam works.
Jeanny: Um… Yeah, you only got 1 highbeam on.
Me: Oh no… I pulled out the highbeam headlamp… I need to go back to (edit) Auto store… I told him I needed the wrong one…
Jeanny: Maybe you should have the Audi Dealership fix it.
Me: Lets hope that (edit) Auto store is still open. I’ll just get both and put the new highbeam headlamps in.

Back at (edit) Auto store
Me: I need those other headlamps that I returned earlier.
Him: Sure thing here you go boss. Thanks!
Boss: Thanks.

Jeanny: Do you want to wait till tomorrow when it’s light out to change them?
Me: No, I should try to do it tonight since it’s not raining.
Jeanny: Okay…

—————–I go out and wrestle with Amypoo for 30 minutes and finally get the lamps changed————

Now I feel like a million bucks… minus about 100 dollars in headlamp lightbulbs…

——————-Moral of the story————————
If you get an audi and you need the headlights changed…

Ask Phil he’ll (gladly) do it for you.

~Oneazn2nv

Oakland is going to raise its hotel taxes by 3% to try and stimulate growth the entertainment area for those visiting Oakland…

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/03/05/BANO16AA8G.DTL

Every now and then I’ll notice one of these articles and wonder… Does anyone else see how backwards this idea is?

So we’re going to charge the people who stay in oakland 3% more taxes on their hotel to pay for their entertainment venues…

Here’s a business thought… Stay at a hotel in a neighboring city instead of Oakland.

So Oakland loses more hotel business from money saving business minded folks and they still don’t get the money they need.

~Oneazn2nv