Many people have been asking me if I’m “Anxious” or “Nervous” about being a dad.  In fact, my friend Jhermaine kept asking me it over and over and I said “are you trying to make me nervous?”.

I have to admit that at first I was pretty anxious about being a dad.  At times I couldn’t sleep well because I was thinking about how much I could screw this up.  I haven’t been the best at… well anything and to know that I wouldn’t be the best as a father really started getting to me.  Most times I would just stay up at night with thoughts racing through my head wondering what I’d do to alienate my baby from me at an early age.  Would she ever forgive me for screwing up her life?

I’m not sure how many of you parents out there have gone through this, maybe a lot, maybe few, but for me it was pretty intense.  I didn’t know what to do, I was losing sleep and feeling like I was disappearing.

One day I was listening to a message at our Wednesday night small group and everything seemed to change.  I felt much better about being a father and I could sleep much better…

The main point of what I learned was that when I start looking at my flaws and mistakes, I get entangled with them.  When condemn myself, I make it harder for me to see myself how God sees me.  Isn’t it interesting that when we try to fight with our own sin, we fall deeper and deeper into it?  In my case, my sin was Worry.  The more I tried to keep myself from worrying, the more I’d think about it. 

Did you know that when sacrifices were made in the temple and a lamb was brought, the priest would examine the lamb, not the person offering up the lamb.  Jesus is our Lamb! “Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world (John 1:29)” Thank God that Jesus is the perfect lamb in which God finds no fault and therefore accepts me!

When Jesus died for my sins at the cross, God justly punished all the sins from the beginning of time to the end of time.  When I understood that God would forgive me of my shortcomings and see me as “perfect” in his eyes, I realized God doesn’t condemn me.  ”Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)”.  If God doesn’t condemn me, then why should I condemn myself?  Why should I sit here and accuse myself of things that Jesus has already paid for?  Did you know that Satan means “accuser” in Hebrew?  He stands accuses us… “You’re such a bad Christian”, “See you screwed up again…”  If I sit here and accuse myself about being a bad father (even before I’ve even done anything to screw up) then who’s work am I doing against myself?  Here’s a hint – It’s not God.

So now instead of being self condemning, I’ve chosen to remember who I am in God’s eyes.  He sees me as perfect.  Will I screw up? Of course, but I will get back up and continue knowing that the screw up is not counted against me.  I am seen as Good in God’s eyes because God examines Jesus in my place.  It really takes the pressure off.

So am I Anxious?  Am I nervous?  No!  I’m excited!  I can’t wait to test out all my swaddling techniques!

~OneRemindedazn2nv