Michelle: Hey Phil, do you have any bottled water?

Phil: Yeah sure… Oh wait!

Michelle: What?

Phil: You should try the tap water here.

Michelle: Why?

Phil: Just try it you’ll like it… It tastes like crystal Geyser

Michelle: Really?  Okay.

Phil: Just a sec… Here you go.

Michelle: mm hmm…

Phil: See? What does it taste like?

Michelle: Soapy water…

Phil: Oh OOPS!

Lately it seems like I’ve had to deal with a lot of people who make me wonder how they were able to grow up without getting shot. I mean seriously… You really shouldn’t have said that… It was a stupid thing to do. You’re being a social Nincumpoop.

A social nincumpoop is someone who cannot socially interact with people in a normal relational manner. They say things that shouldn’t be said… out loud or ever. They do things that only a bone head would do. They have no sense of tact. And I’m not talking about those who have actual medical conditions, I’m talking about your regular average Sam (boy or girl you choose).

Okay okay, so maybe I am being harsh. I mean… I’ve done and said some pretty stupid things too right? Maybe I’m a Social Nincumpoop…

Well, here are the top 10 bone headed things I’ve done or said that classify me as a Social Nincumpoop. For those who I’ve offended… I am truly sorry.

10. I once said to my girlfriend who was emotionally upset “Can I call you back? I’m in an important guild run”. (Tip: World of Warcraft is NOT your friend buddy.)

9. A girl once asked me “did you call me a …” (won’t repeat it). Not remembering and not wanting to look stupid I said “Yeah! And?”. (Tip: Whenever anyone angrily asks you if you said something the reply is always flat out “NO!”)

8. A group of guys were mocking me and my friends playing tennis. I Shouted “Then come here!” and they did… and I got me and my brother a bloody nose. (Instant Karma)

7. I once got into a fight with a bully who I beat up, and then I turned around and bullied another kid that same day… (I still hate myself for that to this day I’ve always hated bullies)

6. I once went to a broadway musical with a girl and she paid for everything. I didn’t even ask to pay for my own ticket. (Sorry honey! She’ll never let me live that one down)

5. I told a group of bullies were going to pick on me but started walking away I said that they were “stupid” and they promply turned around and kicked my butt.

4. I asked a girl why she wore “maternity” shirts you’re not pregnant are you? (the ones that look like tiny dresses). To which she promptly replied “You’re an old balding Fat man!” (well deserved)

3. My sister had a bad relationship with a guy and we ran into him at the coffee shop. I decided to stop and make small talk… (I’m surprised my sister still talks to me)

2. I once told a girl I liked her after my best friend at the time told her that he liked her. (Smart… real smart…)

1. I once asked a girl I liked “If I asked you to the prom would you go with me.” to which she answered “Yes”… I never asked her to the prom. (Yeah, Karma please be lenient)

What are your top 10 social nincumpoop moments?

~Oneazn2nv